Slacker Heaven: Wasting time is a full-time job.

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive.

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

No Pun Intended!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

Hu Jintao was named Chief of the Communist Party in China.
SCENE: The Oval Office with George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What''s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let's hear it.