Slacker Heaven: Wasting time is a full-time job.

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I'm sure by now you've seen the clip of the old guy issuing an old school beatdown to some tough guy wanna be on a bus. If you have just returned from Pluto and haven't seen it, check it out below.



LOL!  He gets his ass handed to him by a grandpa.  All he can do is clutch his head and bleed like a stuck chicken.

Now I'm no tough guy, nor do I play one on TV.  But just by eyeballing grandpa even I would have thought, "I can take him".  Since I'm really a soft handed computer guy I guess I would have woke up in the hospital two weeks later with my jaw wired shut if I had choosen to have a rumble in jungle with "southpaw" grandpa.  Gramps should really look into getting on the MMA circuit, maybe he can take on Kimbo Slice or Houston Alexander for the belt.

Where tough guy failed is that he didn't know proper bus and old people etiquette.  Old people are notoriously cranky and unpredictable.  One minute they're adjusting their dentures peacefully, the next minute they're braining you with their cane.  Old people should at all times be given a wide berth, and especially in enclosed places, like elevators, planes, and buses.  When you encounter an old person on a bus or other enclosed transportation area you should follow these quick rules for your own safety:

• Do not look them in the eye!  If you do they may attempt to make "small talk" with you, which can last several days and span a variety of topics, including intimate details about their bathroom habits.  You can not break off this "conversation" without the oldie turning hostile, at which point they may accuse you of stealing, being the anti-christ, or their long lost brother from Boston.  Next time don't look, or wear dark sunglasses instead.

• If an old person wants your seat, give it to them.  First, because it's a nice thing to do.  But mostly to avoid the oldie turning hostile and assailing you with insults for the remainder of the trip while spraying you liberally with denture cream laced spittle.

• If somehow you become engaged in an altercation with an old person in an enclosed space and you can't run away, try to disengage as soon as possible.  Do not trade insults.  The oldie has lived a long time, they know every foul disgusting insult and name there is, and they have no reservations about calling you every single one in front of the Pope if necessary.  Oldies are also always armed.  They have heavy metal sticks canes with which to bash you in the balls, wheelchairs with which to crush your toes, strange odors with which to fill your nostrils and throat so you choke, and the most deadly weapon of all, sympathy; which with one frail look or whimper will bring down the wrath of onlookers and the police, who will stun gun and billy club you into a pain induced stupor.

Now back to our poor wannabe who didn't follow the rules. He now gets to live on indefinately on the interwebs as the guy who got the bloody hell beat out of him by a grandpa.