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1. You have better things to do than walk around aimlessly for 10 hours without buying a damn thing.2. You don't want to break your back carrying around sacks of crap she's going to return to the store tomorrow.
3. You need to eat a Cinnabun like you need a giant nipple in the center of your forehead.
4. You like to save money on more useful things like beer and cheetos.
5. You do not find dodging stretch pants clad fat women around the clearance rack as you try to keep sight of your wife fun.
6. You hate it when small children run into you with their roller skate shoes, rendering you temporarily paralyzed with pain.
7. You do not enjoy fist fighting old men for the only chair in a 50 mile radius.
8. You do not enjoy your wife picking out your clothing. You haven't put together your wardrobe garanimals style since you were 10,
9. There are usually no bars in the maul. And if there is a joint that serves booze, they also serve the aforementioned rolling children, now armed with fried nuggets of chicken like food.
10. You hate having to dodge soccer moms and teens hurtling through the parking lot while texting, swatting children, or gabbing to the bobblehead next to them in the car. You would let them hit you, but the wife would hate to mess up her hair.
