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Life always gives you opportunities to learn. Last night I learned the joy of a Tide Stick.What the hell is a Tide Stick you ask? Why it's a little portable container shaped like a pen, filled with magical mystical miniature liquid fairies that scrub the stains out of your clothes. Why it's the most miraculous thing to happen to men since beer.
Last night I went out to the bar with my standard cast of characters - Friend #1, the Weasel, friend #2, the Wimp and friend #3 the Whale. The Whale is on a diet. Whale's wife would beat him within an inch of his life if he had anything at the bar besides 2 beers and a trip home. The Weasel is a wannabe womanizer. And Wimp and I, well, we just wanna have fun.
As soon as we stake out our spot at the bar we order up our beers and the usual bar snacks. Of course Whale orders the super duper nacho mound, despite us jabbering about how his wife will shove guacamole where he'll never retrieve it if she finds out.
The game plays on and the beers and the bar food are flowing easy. Wings, fries, and nachos, oh my! Then there's the call. Whale's wife. He's gotta go. Now. Only one thing. Whale boy has got the mother of all greasy nachaffalo stains on the front of his shirt. He's busted. No peace for Whale boy tonight. He'll be eating rice cakes and water for a month.
But just as Whale boy is steeling himself for the maelstrom to come the waitress comes over and says, "Oh I can get that out". Cue angelic music here. From beside the cash register she pulls out this orange stick, emblazoned with the magic word, Tide. She passes it over to the Whale, and tells him to just rub on the stain.
Some of us laugh, some of us just keep drinking, none of us believe that some little pen thingy will make the crap that's taken up residence on the front of Whale's shirt disappear. But then, it happens. As he rubs it, the stain starts to disappear. And after a few minutes, it's gone. Halleleujah!
Now we are all paying attention. We pepper the waitress with questions. Where can we get these? How much do they cost? Can we have this one?
We all instantly know what this Tide Stick really is. It's labeled a stain remover, but what it really is, is an evidence remover. Told the wife you wouldn't eat crap while you're out? No problem. Bar skank leave a little something to remember her by on your shirt? No problem. The Tide Stick is a problem solver that no man should be without. I keep one handy in my car and in my desk at work. You never know when you will be attacked by the evil french fry grease gremlins.
So to the makers of the magical, mystical, problem solving Tide Stick, I say thank you.
