Slacker Heaven: Wasting time is a full-time job.

I have now officially heard it all.  Out there, some where are people all upset that the poor sea bug also known as lobster is boiled alive before eating. They claim that the poor misunderstood lobster cries out in pain as it is being boiled for dinner.  They want a law banning the evil boiling.  I would laugh right now at this silliness if my mouth wasn't full of buttery delicious lobster.

Check this out from the article:

Around the world, many are beginning to question the commonly accepted methods for killing crustaceans. In March, a group of British scientists published a report stating that shellfish can process pain.

Legislation is already in place globally to protect crustacean rights. New Zealand counts shellfish on its list of animals protected by animal rights laws, Reggio Emilia, Italy forbids the boiling of lobsters and the British Shellfish Network dutifully advocates for lobster liberties. The recent influx of scientific experiments on crustacean pain tolerance and the rise in underwater animal activists has led many to ponder "can killing lobsters be humane?"

Lobster liberties?!  Pfffft!  Maybe they should also fight for roach liberties or fly liberties. Wait, are these the same people who were upset that Obama swatted that fly?

Pox on them.  I'm at the top of the damn food chain.  I will exercise my Darwin given right to eat anything that I deem tasty. I bet the lobster wouldn't give a damn whether I felt pain if it were big enough to eat me.

Maybe the lobster liberty people would like us to all become vegans. No wait raw vegans.  We will only eat plants, uncooked plants. That way when we are peeling the skin from a banana and it screams, it won't be as bad because the banana's tiny cellular mouth parts can only make small soft sounds that are not audible to human ears. As we are devouring the soft sweet flesh of said banana we can feel better because it won't move or thrash about, or, gasp, bleeeeed.

I know, I mock.  But a serious mock.  What of the plants?  Are they not alive?  Do they not have feelings too?  If I poke a strawberry, does it not bleed red delicious juice? Don't certain plants have defense mechanisms, produce poison when they are injured?  Seems to me that means they can feel.  And you all saw that M. Night Shyamalan stinker The Happening, where all the trees got together and killed people with their spores?  I guess plants don't like being eaten either.

Oh well, this is way too much thinking for me.  It's breakfast time and I need to murder a few bananas for my peanut butter Captn Crunch and wash it down with a cup of blood from dead oranges.